Re inforcing...Im a good person! To myself.

Been feeling really crappy last few days n a bit overwhelmed. But yknow what...
I just turned all the crappy things into positives. .
Into stuff like...motivation and help rather than negative.
N being so skint just now ( a temp issue) was getting to me as well n feeling like a let down when i cant do things or go to things and then i sat bk n took stock.
How much i have accomplished...which im not gunna sit n list, i know what i have going on n the good things ive got happening n the new doors n oppertunities etc that are happening n the things i have already owned n aorted n acheived.
And was watching a Channon Rose video that kinda snapped me back into a good mindset.
And then randomly another video come on about burken bags n stuff. N i mentioned to Mikey that i ince had a Thomas Wylde bag ( stuipid expensive), but i gave it away...i dnt regret it i'm happy about whome i gave it to. And then we got onto chatting about some things i used to own....
£1000.00 TR movie bag
£109.00 coat
£130.00 20 eyelet dr martins etc
That i just...gave to people.
I was feeling shitty that a mate had bought me juice n boccy...which i will be repaying on Monday. Cuz i HATE taking from people.
And thinking about the REALLY expensive stuff i've just handes over to people, the things i've LOANED people, the times i paid for dinner and done repaires for people for nothing, and the disscounts ive given on business stuff to mates, and the times i paid for 2 n 3 peoples nights out at once, whnlen i paid for the dinners, when i made the dinners, done the washing, and deopped everything to be there when i really just couldnt but did anyway....
Fuck this shit.   Im not looking for a badge or any recognition for it, i have good people in my life nowadays who have done the same for me now.
But when i had i made sure everyone else had and even now i dont have much and i dnt hav le the income and the means and and the stuipid expensive clothes ( unless theyre YEARS old) JUST NOW...
I SHARED, I GAVE MORE THAN I SHOULD HAVE,  so know what...i'm not gunna feel bad.
I dnt take from people, i borrow or i swap but i dnt flat out take. So, fuck feeling bad.
Last few years ive been skint n had hard times but im still standing, in happy, i have great people in my life and i've compleatly changed this house even in the last 4 or 5 months and deffo from when i 1st moved in with its miss matched furniture n it'll do stuff to an actual home .
I came here with maybe 2 outfits n now my 2 rails n matching cheat of drawers are bursting at the seams.
My piles of paperwork have become organized folders.
My business oppertuinites although slow are growning n progressing.
My wee family unit is tighter than ever.
Ive been doing things i enjoy.
And spending time with people i love.
I take on too much i streatch myself beyond my limits to the point where i make myself ill because i dnt rest much, i stress about everything, and i try to be there for too many things at once....
So fuck it...fuck it fuck it. I will NOT feel bad.
We all have rough times but i was and will be again the person who bought the rounds n ordered the food, and shared my expensive clothes, and bought homeless people dinner etc....
Till then i'll be the ear that keeps the secrets and the dinner maker and the bag carrier and the errand runner n the help if you need the house cleaned person...just cuz i dnt have the £ to share anymore doesnt make my contribution to relationships n my attempts at being a nice cunt any less.
To those who are there for me n appreciate when i am for them ty. Xxx you know who you are.
I love you. Xxxx