talking to a friend the other day who was feeling a little self conscious about her appearance when we were at a work out class.
i paraphrase her words:
"i think I'm the biggest fattest person in here"
true, that there were some women and girls in there who had been working on themselves a lot longer than we had, there were people a lot younger than us (teens and early 20's), and girls that were just naturally thin. but there were also a few women who were older and considerably larger than her and well above the "plus size".
i told her she was being silly and that she wasn't that big and she needed to take into consideration how young some of these girls were, we're in our early 30's and we're both mothers, having had our kids in our late 20's when bodies just don't snap back, and she has a child who's around the one year age mark.
she eats well most of the time and works out regularly and although she doesn't notice it herself, HAS lost weight.
anyways i digress...
i told her that she was being silly and that a lot of these girls were considerably younger than us, some were just naturally thin and some had been doing this class for a good while, and therefore been gaining the benefits of it longer. i also discreetly pointed out the larger ladies in the class (in a positive way) and said see...we're all on a journey, we're all different shapes and sizes, some of us are meant to be smaller, some of us are meant to be bigger and even at the end of our journeys when we reach our physical peek (and maintain it) we'll still all be different shapes and sizes, it's about the journey and what YOU'RE doing.Comparing yourself to others means you'll never measure up, because you are not them.
point is, some people are bigger and are happy and beautiful in themselves, some people are smaller and happy and beautiful in themselves, if you don't like who and what you are physically or any other way, you have to put the work and effort into making it different, change what you don't like and learn to love that which you can't change or at least accept it and work around it.
if you are in a process of changing and reshaping your character, your mind, your outlook, your mental state, your physical appearance, your fitness levels....it's YOUR journey, never look at anyone else and think they're doing better, or look better, they are not you.
i decided a couple of weeks ago that for the 1st time ever i was going to wear my 3/4 sports trousers and just my bikini. i've been a bit chubby most of my life and battled with my weight, i only last summer found myself brave enough to put on a bikini to go to the pool never mind go out so exposed and un-dressed in public, but i did it, my bikini bra top and my sports trousers i did wear outside, walking, on my way to the pool, and around doing errands and going to the shops that day, and i felt awesome. until... a young girl maybe 16-18 with the most naturally looking tiny little figure and no signs of...life having been lived in that body...walked towards me with two of her similar age guy friends, she had long blonde hair and fake tan and a full face of makeup, and was wearing skin tight black 3/4 running trousers, and a tight bright pink sports bra-top. she looked me up and down and gave me a condescending smirk. now...even last year i would have let this get to me and i would have quickly pulled on a t-shirt to hide my disgusting body but i felt good enough in myself to think...
fuck you, you're a baby and in a couple of years time that nice wee tight girly body of yours will most likely be ravaged by a slowing metabolism, changes will happen, stretch marks and cellulite will appear, kiddies will pull it apart and leave their ever lasting scars, you're a child and i'm a grown woman who has lived, with scars, with late 20's child bearing, and battled with my weight, I've lost over 3 stone and I'm a UK size 8, i have a 27" waist when it used to be a 32" AND I'M STILL WORKING ON IT, i have marks and scars and a little mummy tummy, but i like me and i look good and no one else has looked negatively at me at all today, i regularly am complemented on how good I'm looking and how well I've done, and...i have a partner to go home to that loves me and my old scared up body...fuck you... this bikini ...is staying... ON.
it's taken me a long time to be able to have that confidence and so many women and girls lack that and are made to feel bad about their size or shape, how fat or thin, tall or short, they are, how wide their hips or shoulders are, how big or small their boobs are, and that bullshit society feeds you that once you're over 25 you're on the scrap heap so just give up.
bullshit bullshit bullshit, love who you are or change it, hold your head high and know that we all have our own journeys and we're all at different places along those roads, anyone's problem with you is THEIR PROBLEM. it's projecting their personal insecurities onto you to make them feel better by putting you down.
people are not stepping stones you should never need to stand on someones head to make you be able to reach your higher level.
and for the record...the age thing too... I'm 32 and get asked for i.d regularly for tobacco and alcohol and my partner is 10 years younger than i am, i get offered photo shoots regularly and i have more energy than a lotta girls in their teens and 20's and have been told by young guys I'm in better shape than most 20 year olds... so... society can go suck it. :P
keep your chin up, and keep on going, you're awesome. xxx
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