verbal reality check

well... i just had my ass handed to me.
my significant other just gave me a verbal slap in the face. in the most caring, loving and tactful way anyone could.

while sitting regaling tales of how i had been good at things:
my English teacher always putting me forward to meet authors and do creative writing work shops , always 1st on her list, in high school, my teachers in primary school always taking my mum aside to tell her how they always looked forward to creative writing time and red my stories first.
when i was in college and my tutor who had previously worked with fashion houses had held my work in front of the class and said my color and style research was amazing, and i knew my market inside out, that my work surpassed everything that had been asked not only in that year of study but also surpassed degree level and that my work was industry standard not only that but impressive industry standard and if she had the money she'd have invested in my designs right there and then to have them in production. and then there was my painting when students years above me would come to see my reproduction oil works, or when my marketing teacher who was also teaching communications ( a several times published author to boot)  told me my work was astounding and that i needed to be writing professionally.


as my partner said, this is all very well and good to reminisce on how talented I've been told i am, but....what am i doing with it??

i can design, i can draw, i can paint, i can write, I'm good at researching and putting together projects and presentations, I'm good at a heap of things.  and I'm sitting here in his jeans and an old Gothic beauty magazine t-shirt looking non too Gothic or beautiful, with my bare face and hair in a towel covered in old dye splodges . broke as fuck, self employed, model from time to time, and feel sad about all the luxuries i used to afford and the things i could do. And get a bit down when i bring out my portfolios and my artwork and my design folders, my marketing folders, my old writing, and my big ass folder of academic qualifications.

so I've been told in no uncertain terms i need to get my ass in gear and apply what i am good at to making a living, i just don't know how...